I'm Published at LarkNews.com

Larknews.com, "a good source for [fake] Christian news," allows readers to submit article ideas. Mine was accepted and published this month:

Man tired of being used in sermon illustrations

SOMERSET, Pa. — Dan Felks, a local mechanic, noticed he was getting strange looks and sly comments around town a few months ago.

"People at the grocery store would smile at me and say, ‘I’ve heard about you,’" he says. "Some even talked about things I’d done in my past."

But it wasn’t until he dropped into Pine Grove Christian Fellowship one Sunday that he realized his old college roommate, pastor Pete Lancaster, was using him in sermon illustrations.

"I was going to surprise Pete, because I don’t attend church and I thought he’d get a good laugh out of seeing me," Felks says. "Then I heard him tell a story about an old friend who got drunk, fell into a reservoir and almost died, and I realized, my gosh, that was me."

Felks slipped out quietly and attended services for the next few weeks, hearing several more unflattering illustrations about himself.

"It was a little hurtful," he says. "I don’t talk to my customers about Pete’s colorful past. Why would he talk about me?"

Felks says their lives have gone in different directions since college, with Pete becoming a successful local pastor and Felks abandoning hopes of a career in computers and instead working in a transmission shop.

"I like to party. I like to have a good time. I’m not hiding anything," Felks says. "I’m not ashamed of myself then or now."

But he says being made the bad guy in each of Pete’s stories has strained the loyalty he still feels toward his friend.

"He only recalls the bad stuff," Felks says. "There’s this vibe around town now like, ‘Watch out or you’ll turn out like Dan Felks.’"

Lancaster has never identified Felks by name, but many people know the two were roommates. Some were even present for the events described. Lancaster says he regrets that Felks’ anonymity was breached.

"We had some fun times and some times I’m not so proud of," Lancaster says. Still, he says it’s fair game to talk about the people and events in his past to help people live better now.