Sunday, September 19, 2010

Dealing With Other's Pain

So far I've been lucky. I've had very little loss in my life. So when I see others going through a crisis, the best response isn't always clear to me. Usual responses can vary between cliché sayings, shallow expressions of understanding, vague offers to help, or just helpless avoidance. A friend recently shared this article from the New York Times that says what I've heard my wife say before, be honest and be specific. Don't ask if there is anything you can do to help, the grieving don't always have the mental energy or patience to teach you how to love them. Instead, pick something that you think needs to be done (fix dinner, mow the lawn, drive their child to an appointment) and do it. The only responsibility of those in pain is to accept the help offered.


  1. I personally find very un-comfortable to deal in these kind of situations & not sure what is the best possible way to react...generally I duck myself as I don't understand what to say and do to solace

  2. I can relate to what you saying, but I think our non-choice is still a choice. And I don't think it's the best one.

  3. That NYT piece was one of the best I've ever read.


You are the reason why I do not write privately. I would love to hear your thoughts, whether you agree or not.