Friday, July 02, 2010

Attraction, Love, and Patterns

In a blog I recently come across, You Are Not So Smart, posted on how in relationships opposites don't attract, they repel. Not only are we drawn to those who are like us, but we become more like them the longer we are together. The whole post is worth reading, but here's the money quote:
What most people call falling in love is really falling in pattern
Although my wife and I are very different, compared to people outside our community, we are very similar. I love my wife, but I also love myself. Perhaps the two are more related than we'd like to admit.


  1. Amike3:10 PM

    I'm currently reading "Blink," by Malcolm Gladwell--btw, Harrison, if you've never read Gladwell, get on that train NOW. I hadn't read him until last week, now I'm hooked.

    Anyway, the book's about the way our brains make snap decisions based on intuition rather than analysis--and how those snap decisions are often better than the decisions we make after long consideration (assuming we take the right factors into account). There's a chapter on the Harold, actually...and there's also a chapter on marriages and what makes them stay together. Turns out you can predict whether a couple will stay together just by watching them talk to each other for a few minutes...the key factor turns out to be contempt. If one or both partners treat the other with contempt, the marriage is probably doomed; if they treat each other as equals, they're probably in it for the long haul. (

    I don't know if this has anything to do with your post, but I've got Gladwell on the brain and this reminded me of that. (I think I may be assigning "Outliers" to my class this fall.)

  2. Been trying to get Harrison to read Gladwell for years, Amike. Good luck.

    I'm a huge fan too! The Tipping Point is my favorite so far, although I have yet to read Outliers.

  3. It's on my "if I ever decide to start reading books regularly" list!

  4. I love that my husband and I are so much alike. It makes things like choosing paint colors and what to watch on TV so easy. Those seem like small things but experiencing ease in everyday "little" things makes life so much smoother. Though, when we're out and about, he's quiet and I'm more outgoing. So we are different but I think we do become more and more like each other everyday - and thankfully we're incorporating the best of each other.


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